On Marriage. What it simply is & what it takes.

The story

As I stood on the side of the altar, observing my best friend stare down the aisle. Pianist starts playing Canon in D, and the bridesmaid leads the bride, gently and slowly, down the aisle. The bride and groom locks gaze, a pleasant smile hangs on their face. As the cousin of the bride and the bride reach the groom, the cousin hands the hand of the bride over to the groom. They smile, happy. And turn their bodies down to facing the officiant.

I, groom, take you, bride, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part; according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.

The thought

I write this whilst on the train back from the wedding. This experience has marginally changed my view on marriage. Albeit a more nuanced take.

Here goes. At the end of the day, a marriage is a partnership. Like how a business, club, team, friendship, is. Except to a larger extent, it has higher rewards when it goes well, and higher costs when not. It takes effort from both sides to work. As quoted from Too Soon Old, Too late Smart,

“any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least.”

The moment one of the partners stop caring of the relationship, they inversely gain more control of the relationship. It takes effort, selflessness and love of the other over the self to maintain a marriage. That is what all great marriage consists of, a constant surrender of self for the other. It is all there is, and it takes all there is.